Homemakers Earn How Much?

Today, on Facebook, a friend of mine (whom I’ve actually met) posted a story where someone did a survey and figured out that a stay-at-home parent (homemaker) is worth about $96,000 a year.

I bring this up because I was sharing this with Shadow on Skype when the background noise (the children) markedly increased and was of the sort that starts as a playful laugh, followed by tussling and almost always ends up in a fit of tears.

So, how did Shadow handle this? Simply put, she didn’t.

You see, Shadow is a highly paid executive who ‘makes’ $96,000 a year. People who make that much money don’t worry about petty squabbling amongst the worker drones. They worry about big-issue things – like when vomit or bleeding is involved or the audible snapping of bones can be heard. Tears before bedtime, especially the type that are self-induced, she feels, just makes the peasants go to sleep faster.

“The 96 thousand,” she said, “is a good number because we need that money to pay for the therapy we will need in the not too distant future.”

The she took a small sip from her second (half) beer and contemplated for a minute, and said, “and our alcohol rehabilitation.”

And this is why technology is wonderful. Ten years ago I would have had to deal with the odd phone call where the noise in the background just would have been annoying. Thanks to Skype – which is by nature, hands free – we as a couple, can both share in the mayhem that our offspring are producing – while hanging on to a beer in such a fashion as to ensure it will not be spilled by a clumsy act of pre-pubescence.

There have been times on Skype that I have even been able to witness acts of juvenile terrorism that one will perpetrate against the other – all while thinking that no one is watching.

You’d think this would lead to children who learn rather more rapidly that cameras are everywhere. You’d be wrong. Even from 2,000 miles away I’ve had the parental privilege of this conversation, “Dad, can I do (fill in whatever word you want that would elicit and immediate ‘hells, no’)?”

“What did your mother say?”

“She said no.”

...Heavy sigh….

Despite this I wouldn’t even want to imagine living in an age when unintentional bachelors would be able to correspond only by mail with the occasional very expensive long distance phone call (remember those – when you had to use an operator and you often called collect?).

Somehow waiting two weeks to read about how child-A whacked child-B with a spoon after child-B kicked child-A in the shin while at dinner…at a neighbor’s house…during a holiday of peace and joy, just doesn’t have the same realism or, what to call it…verve, I guess, that seeing it all live does.

Being able to witness a child’s wanton jackassery is really one of the things that make live video feeds special. And if by doing so you get to see something that makes you want to use the word ‘tussle,’ well then, that’s just the bonus Shadow will get on top of the 96 grand she’s already making.