Today’s subject is a relatively new phenomenon in an America where it’s becoming increasingly obvious that more people need to find work and, quite frankly, it’s also a fairly disturbing sign of the impending apocalypse if you ask me. I’m talking of course, about bronies.
What is that you say? You’ve never heard of a brony? Please, allow me to elucidate but be forewarned, this is not for the faint of heart and quite possibly may in and of itself cause intestinal cramps. To simplify the explanation process, I will use an excerpt from a Wired.com article by Angela Watercutter from June 9, 2011...
Each day, out-of-work computer programmer Luke Allen self-medicates by watching animated
ponies have magical adventures.
The 32-year-old, who lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico, loves his daily fix of My Little Pony
Friendship Is Magic, and he’s not alone. He’s part of a growing group of “bronies” (“bro ponies”)
— men who are fans of a TV show largely intended for a much younger audience.
“First we can’t believe this show is so good, then we can’t believe we’ve become fans for life, then
we can’t believe we’re walking down the pink aisle at Toys R Us or asking for the girl’s toy in our
Happy Meal,” Allen said in an e-mail to Wired.com. “Then we can’t believe our friends haven’t
seen it yet, then we can’t believe they’re becoming bronies too.”
I can’t believe I didn’t just throw up in my mouth a little bit.
I'd feel better if I thought Allen’s comments were written by a friend who discovered Allen had left his computer on after a debauched bender the previous evening and thought he’d have a little fun with his pal by making up outrageous claims of love and devotion to a three-inch high platic horse-like being.
The thought of Allen having friends who might go to bars or engage in anything not involving 20-sided dice seems remote at best, so most likely my party-like-a-rock-star theory won't hold up.
From a journalistic point of view, I’m not sure Watercutter needed to mention Allen was a computer programmer – or out of work. It just seems to fit somehow. The story doesn’t actually tell us whether or not he lives with his parents, but if I was a betting man, I’d take the over.
Now, I’m not indicting Allen and the bronies for their fascination with My Little Pony. I myself have, on occasion, walked “the pink aisle” at stores looking for just these very items. Keep in mind, however, that I have a 5-year old daughter and even she is starting to move on from the ponies – learning to read will do that for you.
No, what I guess I’m really indicting them for is actually admitting it to the general populace – that and the mutton-chop sideburns Allen is sporting in his photo for the Wired article.
Still, I’m not willing to revoke man-card privileges for bronies. Let's face it, you absolutely have to give them serious cajones-credit for admitting it in the first place. Brony-outing has to be considered the social equivalent of a 7th grader who lets everyone know he wets the bed.
Coming out as a brony, in short, takes some serious stones when the deck is already so clearly stacked against you.
So, inasmuch as I’m not a fan of most cartoons made after 1985 in the first place, it would be more likely that I would simultaneously win the lottery the same day I’m on the cover of a magazine as one of America’s 10 sexiest men, before I would ever watch (without my 5-year old daughter) an episode of My Little Pony – much less devote a good deal of discretionary time to following and building a fan base for the show and then going public with my devotion to same.
Despite all that, however, I have to admit, the idea of mutton chop sideburns…it’s kind of intriguing.
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